Queetzal

2011-10-23T20:47:00.004-06:00

No, I haven't been dissected at area 51, just been away -- far, far away.

Rose Bowl Parade

2008-01-03T17:45:00.000-07:00

Did anybody catch this in the Rose Bowl Parade last week?
I didn't go myself, too many humans.

My Alien Adventure

2007-09-29T21:07:00.000-06:00

I wonder if I'll run into this guy on Zeta Reticuli

Yes Melissa there IS a bigfoot!

2007-07-25T19:43:00.000-06:00

From an article in the Salt Lake Tribune:

According to members of the Big Foot Research Organization who came from all over the country to search for Bigfoot sightings along the Mirror Lake Highway this week, the answer to that question is, Yes, Melissa, there is a Sasquatch.

Fucking Alien

2007-03-18T15:12:00.000-06:00

Every time I give some human a mind probe, I can read them thinking "Fucking Alien". That gave me the idea to get the domain name: fuckingalien.com.

I hope it somehow helps you humans find your way back.

New Link

2007-02-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

Frank Warren

Big Foot - Less?

2007-02-02T18:36:00.000-07:00

Big Foot-Less?

Secret Bases on the Moon and Mars

2006-12-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

We are controlled. We are manipulated. THEY are not going to tell you that you are being controlled. But, we truly are. Where do people go to get their information? Actually it comes to us. In fact...we are bombarded, barraged and blitzkrieged by the holy media. Television, movies, magazines, the Internet and newspapers rain down upon us info. THEY own the media and the sad truth is THEY own us. This is not information, it is MIND-CONTROL.

Go check it out

QUEETZAL FOR PRESIDENT!!!

2006-10-28T18:28:00.000-06:00

In the Bizarre News news letter, Teresa writes to Lewis --

QUEETZAL FOR PRESIDENT!!!

I hate to dissapoint one of Lewis's readers, but I cannot be president as I am an illegal alien. I can however rule as your alien overlord. I wonder if there's any chance of getting me on the ballot running as alien overlord.

Kidnapped by UFOs ?

2006-09-29T20:39:00.000-06:00

NOVA examines the "phenomena".
Did you expect the truth from these people?

Bigfoot on About.com

2006-09-16T11:22:00.000-06:00

About.com has a section on bigfoot.
Go check it out!

Protect Your Household with a Raygun!

2006-08-24T19:19:00.000-06:00

Better Safe Than Sorry: Get yours today! heh!

That wasn't me! I never ask permission!

2006-08-19T19:48:00.000-06:00

According to Bizarre News a UFO buzzed the Hilo Hawaii airport, prompting Lewis to comment:

Maybe Queetzal requested a fly-by and the tower boss told him, "That's a negative, Ghostrider, the pattern is full."

Heh, heh, that Lewis is a funny man.

All joking aside Lewis, I never ask permission when I buzz the tower.

Xena's now a planet

2006-08-16T17:22:00.000-06:00

According to the Sydnet Morning Herald

The solar system has 12 planets, not nine.

That's the earthshaking conclusion of an influential international committee, which on Wednesday will recommend a new definition of what qualifies as a planet.
....
A planet, they decreed, is any star-orbiting object so large that its own gravity pulls in its rough edges, producing a near-perfect sphere.

The article goes on to exlain there are really 8 planets and a new class of planets called plutons.
Sounds like a cop-out to me -- answering the question by re-defining the question.
They are planets, but thet're not.

Second class planets? Can't be -- Xena 's 1st class in my book!

hat tip: Digg

Damn Lawyers

2006-05-16T20:28:00.000-06:00

Family of dead miner offered £7 as lawyers earn £41m - Britain - Times Online

Gee, I wonder why people hate lawyers...

(hat tip to BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com)

UK says UFOs caused by natural forces, not aliens | Reuters.com

2006-05-08T11:17:00.000-06:00

UK Ministry of Defense says UFOs caused by natural forces, not aliens.

Now that they've identified these flying objects they can no longer be called Unidentified Flying Objects.

There's nothing to see here, move along...

Read this if you wish to avoid abduction

2006-03-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

Do not read this. There really are no aliens, right?

The Royal Family are bloodsucking alien lizards

2006-02-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

According to Scotsman.com News - UK, David Icke (who also claims to be the son of God) says "The Royal Family are bloodsucking alien lizards". He also claims presidents George Bush (junior and senoir) are also a shape-shifting reptoid aliens that drink human blood.

Come on, no self respecting alien would pretend to be a politician, not even a reptoid.

Malaysian teams to track Bigfoot

2006-02-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

According to ABC News Online, the Malaysian government is sending in teams to track 'bigfoot', who has been spotted several times recently.

I have to wonder why Sasquatch chose to vacation in Malaysia. True it's nice and green there, but the heat and humidity must be making him miserable. Can you imagine how bad he must stink in the jungle?

Fart Jokes?

2006-01-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

According to Bizarre News:

I never dreamed that passing gas would re-place Queetzal as the number one topic of interest amongst our readership.

Noooooo! Say it isn't true Lewis! Fart jokes replacing yours truly? Never!

We Have Allies at Gmail!

2005-12-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Today when I looked in my Gmail trash folder there was a recycling tip at the top that said:

"You can make a lovely hat out of previously-used aluminum foil. "

I would like to add to that tip, however: give it a sniff first, if you don't want stray dogs following you around all day.

Pictures of Bigfoot

2005-12-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

A backpacker on Silver Star Mountain has taken pictures of Sasquatch, maybe?

Be Prepared!

2005-12-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

I'm (usually) in the process of rebuilding and restocking my disaster preparedness kit.
It's a 3-day grab and go kit in case of earthquake, cataclysm, insurrection, or whatever.

Update:
In the wake of Katrina, I'm thinking 3 days doesn't quite cut it. I better make it a whole week.

Have I left anything out? Tell me what.

Building a Disaster Kit:

If you go camping, you probably already have most of this stuff.
Just make sure you have all the supplies on hand before you need them. Gather up
your camping gear in one secure location. Buy supplies as if you're going camping
for a week, 12 months from now, but won't be able to buy supplies before you go.

Water: Lots and lots of water - one gallon per person per day, for me, my wife and the dog, That's nine gallons for a 3-day kit. Six gallon jugs will fit in one of those big plastic storage boxes. Keep it out of direct light or it will start growing algae.
A drop or two of bleach will extend the storage life of water in a jug.
Buy a couple of extra cases of bottled water when it's on sale, and rotate your stock,
even bottled water goes stale after sitting too long.
Paper Towels: These can double as toilet paper in an emergency.
Food: Three meals a day. For each person you need to feed.
You probably want to pack more than energy bars, but they will keep you alive in an emergency.
Canned fruit, Applesauce, Pringles (canned chips), cookies, canned meat. Don't forget the dog food.
Don't forget the can opener. Salt pepper sugar tabasco sauce.
Vices: If you have any addictions, you should plan for them. I mean cigarettes, alcohol, coffee, whatever. You'll be having a hard enough time already, don't add withdrawl to your list of problems. Bring enough for more than a week, FEMA won't be bringin' you any booze.
Medicine: If you need them, pack them. Think of the consequences of not having your medicine.
Include antacids, aspirin...
First Aid Kit: You should have one of these anyway, the more complete the better.
You should keep one handy anyway.
Clothes: Plan for 3 days of the worse weather for your region.
Shelter: You might be able to sleep in your car, maybe not.
If you own a tent, keep it with your kit. Some tarps and ropes come in handy when building your wilderness survival compound.
If you're at home you may need that plastic sheeting and duct tape.
Money: Bring lots of it, everything will be much more expensive during a crisis.
Yes, it's very sad some people are so greedy they would take advantage of you when you're down on your luck. Some people really suck. That's life in the big city.
Plan on it.
Implements of Destruction: No, I'm not talking about WMD's. I mean a shovel, a pick, an axe, a saw, Vice Grips...
Supplies: Matches in a waterproof container, Candles, Flashlight, Lightstick, Radio, Batteries, Portable stove (sterno), Paper, Pencil, Duct tape, McGuyver Knife, Gloves, trash bags...
Protection: The police will be too busy to protect you during a disaster.
Take responsibility for your own protection.
Does anybody not know what I'm talking about?

update: this post was transferred from notparanoid.20megsfree.com

Exploiting Bigfoot?

2005-12-02T17:07:00.000-07:00

He's big, he's hairy, he's an author
How could anybody write about Sasquatch as if they know him, just for a joke. I just can't believe anybody could do this (besides me).

Tags: Bigfoot Sasquatch

Stop Shooting at Me!

2005-11-28T22:05:00.000-07:00

Former Canadian Minister Of Defence Asks Canadian Parliament Asked To Hold Hearings On Relations With Alien "Et" Civilizations - Yahoo! News

He's right, you should all lay down your guns and surrender.

Do I remind you of somebody?

2005-11-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

Do I remind you of somebody?

Anybody at all?

Someone close to you maybe.

Perhaps a family member, like your mom?

That's what this head-shrinker says, he says your mother looks like yours truly!
I think you should take this as a supreme compliment, your mom is as good looking as Queetzal.

Personally, I don't see the the resemblance, but then all you mothers look alike to me.

Keep it to yourself!

2005-11-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

Have you been abducted by aliens?
Are you going to talk about it?
Think twice before you do.

You better be ready for the public humiliation you're going to face. You will be looked at as a hoaxer, a liar, a scam artist, someone who wants to sell their story for the maximum profit.

There are psychologists/psychiatrists who claim it's all a false memory, saying this is a common symptom of sleep paralysis. It's because of a overactive imagination combined with childhood sexual abuse. That's your Uncle Lester the molester you dream about, not Queetzal. Normal people don't get abducted, only weirdos. (IE: You must be a loony if you claim you were abducted.)

When's the last time you heard a story of alien abduction in the mainstream press where the writer was not mocking rednecks or hillbillies for claiming to be abducted by aliens.
"Hah-ha-ha, how come only inbred morons tell these stories? Hey Bubba, was that grey gal purty? Did she probe ya? buh huh huh!"

Keep it to yourself, or you'll be mocked until you're ready to commit suicide. After you do, everyone will know you were crazy all along,

The conspiracy is real, but even the conspirators don't know it!

Tags: Alien Abduction

Wow, That Sucks!

2005-11-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

Myblogsite has informed me that my former blog over at:
http://notparanoid.myblogsite.com/blog
is being closed as of November 30, 2005.

I can migrate to BlogHarbor for $8.95 a month.

HAH!

From now on, this is my main blog.

Update:
Here's the text of the message:

Dear MyBlogSite Member,
We'd like to thank you for using the MyBlogSite service and hope that you have found it a fun and useful tool. After a careful evaluation of our product portfolio, we have decided to no longer provide a blog service. We value you as a loyal customer, and want to do everything we can to ensure that you will still be able to continue blogging and keep all your current postings and photos. So we'd like to introduce you to a compatible blog service that you can migrate your account to, BlogHarbor! You'll get a no-risk, 30-Days FREE trial to test the BlogHarbor service. BlogHarbor is a full-service weblog hosting provider based on the same blog platform as MyBlogSite, allowing for an effortless and full migration of your current blogsite. BlogHarbor offers ad-free premium blog hosting starting from $8.95/month, and provides a variety of enhanced services, additional disk space and capacity, total control over the look and feel of your blog, and top-notch customer service and support. BlogHarbor even offers you the ability to use a domain name as your blog address!
Try the BlogHarbor service free for up to 30 days with no obligation! Learn more about migrating your blog to BlogHarbor: http://www.blogharbor.com/migrate Please note that if you elect not to transfer your blog to BlogHarbor, on November 30, 2005 you will no longer be able to access, use, update, or visit your MyBlogSite account.

Sincerely,

MyBlogSite Team

---------------------------------------------------------

Not even 24 hours notice and I can no longer post, so I'll just have to call them rotten bastards from over here.

Tags: MyBlogSite

Resistance is futile!

2005-11-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

Alert to Tinfoil Hat Wearers! That aluminum foil you thought was stopping the government mind control may actually be amplifying the effect.

You don't remember anything, got it?

2005-10-26T18:46:00.000-06:00

No, really I didn't abduct anybody!
Ask the professor, they're just false memories.

Home Video?

2005-09-24T20:38:00.000-06:00

Rubber Johnny is about the strangest video I've ever seen.
Probably not safe for work

Pay No Attention

2005-09-18T13:35:00.000-06:00

Pay No Attention to the Stop Alien Abductions site. Do not waste your time blocking alien mind control. Making a thought screen hat is totally unnecessary.
Whatever you do don't look at my poor dead cousin ralphie that that phony dead alien.

Hat tip to: blogcritics

New Orleans Begins Confiscating Firearms

2005-09-09T21:24:00.000-06:00

New Orleans Begins Confiscating Firearms

It's started, the gun confiscation death squads have begun.

God help us all!

Dog Hating A-holes

2005-09-09T21:09:00.000-06:00

What kind of dog-hating a-holes are running our government?
They'd have to pry the gun out of my cold, dead hands after I shot the cruel heartless son of a freaking beyotch who told me to leave my best friend to starve to death. My dog means more to me than all the a-hole bureaucrats that ever lived.
Don't press your luck.

Silly Humans

2005-09-01T14:14:00.000-06:00

Do YOU have your emergency kit ready? Would you have enough food,
water, medicine, booze, etc. stocked up so you don't have to starve for
a week until help arrives?

Do you live below sea level, next to a river that floods every year, on
a coastline where hurricaines play? Can you swim? Sooner or later,
you'll have to.

There is a natural tendency among you silly humans to ignore the ugly probabities until they become ugly realities. Then you point the finger of blame at everybody else and ask, Why aren't you helping more, faster, yesterday?

I was gathering intelligence today, recieving earth bases satelite video transmissions. (I think you humans call it watching teevee.)

I saw there are thousands of people in New Orleans who desperately need help, and some of them are shooting at their rescuers! Guess who gets rescued last?

I came to this planet hoping to find an intelligent species in charge.
I'll have to report back to my superiors - this planet is devoid of intelligent life.

Earth Chicks Are Easy!

2005-08-23T20:13:00.000-06:00

In the latest Bizarre news newsletter, Jane confesses her love for Queetzal:

My favorite bizarre stories revolve around alien abductions. I read all
I can about this stuff (Queetzal, if you're reading, I think I love you!)

Well Jane, here I am.

Do you think I have a chance with an Earth chick?

Tenth Planet

2005-08-01T17:34:00.000-06:00

According to Scientific American and these guys New Planet Discovered in the Solar System, there's a tenth planet just discovered way out beyond Pluto.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I have been there. It's really, really cold, so I'm not going back.

But what about the buffalo?

2005-07-29T17:20:00.000-06:00

WorldNetDaily: DNA 'sasquashes' Bigfoot claim.
These guys say it's a Bison, not Bigfoot that left the hair at the site of the Bigfoot sighting.

CSI - Sasquatch

2005-07-28T18:54:00.000-06:00

According to the Edmonton Journal, there's a CSI style analysis going on on a clump of hair found after Sasquatch was sighted.
I don't think any analysis (short of an autopsy) can prove Sasquatch exists, it can only prove that it's a clump of dog hair or something. After all, if it doesn't match any known animal, that still doesn't prove anything to the skeptics.
The eyewitnesses don't need proof, they already know what they saw.

Bigfoot does NOT have spots.

2005-07-17T13:19:00.000-06:00

According to NBC5.com - Irresistible Headlines; Bigfoot Allegedly Spotted In Canada's Yukon Territory.
I can tell you for sure, Sasquatch does not have spots, stripes or patches. He's kind of a brownish color.

Alien Game

2005-07-10T18:41:00.000-06:00

Alien Hominid pretty good entertainment.
heh!

Underground Bases

2005-06-26T14:40:00.000-06:00

I heard this guy, Robert Dean on the Art Bell show last night, talking about secret alien underground bases.
I didn't find much at his website about the secret bases, so I looked around the internet and found this and this and this and this and this.
Now, I'm not saying which if any of these sites are correct in what they claim, but the truth is available to anybody who has a real good B.S. detector.

They're onto us!

2005-05-23T19:38:00.000-06:00

SKAGIT VALLEY HERALD says there's a Bigfoot - UFO connection.
mmm, could be...

MyBlogSite messed up?

2005-05-21T16:30:00.000-06:00

For some reason, I am unable to access http://notparanoid.myblogsite.com/blog both firefox and MSIE says:
notparanoid.myblogsite.com could not be found
And I thought Blogger was full of bugs.

Bigfoot in Hiding?

2005-05-21T14:42:00.000-06:00

I think Sasquatch has gone into hiding. He wasn't at the designated coordinates when I went to pick him up. He doesn't answer his cell phone. His lady friend hasn't seen him (by the way, she says "good riddance"). I can't even track him down with the implant.

I just hope nobody's bagged him.
According to this article, he's been stolen.

The hunt is on for Bigfoot

2005-05-06T21:36:00.000-06:00

I see that Fox's A Current Affair is sending an expedition up to Manitoba to track down by old friend Sasquatch.

Sasquach called me today, and asked me if I could use a little of that alien mind control on those reporters, convince them to stay in Hollywood.

I told him mind control works only on minds. These guys are from Fox, ok? Do you see the lack of a target here?

Hey c'mon, he says, I don't want to end up stuffed in a museum somewhere! You gotta help me out here.

I told him to get on over to his lady friend's house in town, stock up on plenty of beer, and wait till it blows over.

I can't go back there, she's really mad at me. She said if I showed my face around there she'd skin me and make a rug outa my hide!

Yes, that sounds like she's really mad at you. Why?

I didn't do anything..

C'mon Sasquatch! It's me Queetzal, you're talking to. What was it?
You ate all the food in the house didn't you?

Yea, but I always do that.

And then what did you do?

I ate her dog.

Why did you eat her dog?

Cause I couldn't catch the cat. and well, cats don't have much meat on 'em anyway and--

Look I don't want to hear about your strange appetites...
Okay. I'll come pick you up and bring you back here to area 51, but remember, NO BITING THIS TIME! The general is still walking with a limp from the last time you were here.

Okay, he says, I'll behave myself, as long as the beer holds out.

Don't worry, buddy, they fly it in by the planeload...

Subversive Element

2005-04-30T11:10:00.000-06:00

I come across this website: Subversive Element
Lots of interesting fun stuff over there; aliens, conspiracies, modern day dinosaurs, sasquatch, and more.

The site isn't espacially sympathetic to my people, however, or very accurate. We do not eat children.

crossposted

Moblog Test

2005-04-16T08:48:00.000-06:00

This is a test of the Queetzal moblogging system.
Do not be alarmed, this is only a test.
Had this been an actual moblog post, you would be reading actual content rather than another stupid test post.

Backup Blog

2005-04-13T19:30:00.000-06:00

I'll use this as a backup blog for here.