The hunt is on for Bigfoot

I see that Fox's A Current Affair is sending an expedition up to Manitoba to track down by old friend Sasquatch.

Sasquach called me today, and asked me if I could use a little of that alien mind control on those reporters, convince them to stay in Hollywood.

I told him mind control works only on minds. These guys are from Fox, ok? Do you see the lack of a target here?

Hey c'mon, he says, I don't want to end up stuffed in a museum somewhere! You gotta help me out here.

I told him to get on over to his lady friend's house in town, stock up on plenty of beer, and wait till it blows over.

I can't go back there, she's really mad at me. She said if I showed my face around there she'd skin me and make a rug outa my hide!

Yes, that sounds like she's really mad at you. Why?

I didn't do anything..

C'mon Sasquatch! It's me Queetzal, you're talking to. What was it?
You ate all the food in the house didn't you?

Yea, but I always do that.

And then what did you do?

I ate her dog.

Why did you eat her dog?

Cause I couldn't catch the cat. and well, cats don't have much meat on 'em anyway and--

Look I don't want to hear about your strange appetites...
Okay. I'll come pick you up and bring you back here to area 51, but remember, NO BITING THIS TIME! The general is still walking with a limp from the last time you were here.

Okay, he says, I'll behave myself, as long as the beer holds out.

Don't worry, buddy, they fly it in by the planeload...